I want to dedicate this post to Jo Willoughby, Jo is an artist and just generally a legend. Last night we sat in work till 9pm making and drawing and talking. I felt like we spoke about what brought us to this point in our lives and the things that were responsible for this. I felt a bit tearful to be honest! I know I wouldn’t hang bunting in public spaces if it wasn’t for these things, huh?
Firstly reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath made me realise I wasn’t the only young women in the world who felt isolated. A revelation to a 16 year old with chronic depression and anorexia. I just felt I couldn’t/wouldn’t ever fit into any of ‘this’. The Bell Jar said to me ‘your not the only one and that’s ok’.
image by Burrow press
The other book that did a similar thing was ‘The Catcher in the Rye’ by J.D Salinger. It was like it was ok to feel a certain way, its not a dirty thing to sometimes feel sad or like you want to run away from school/work or fall in love. Your human.
Around the same time I discovered this Bowie album and listened to my parents vinyl of it on a record player in my bedroom. It was like hearing music for the first time, dope probably helped that along.
To be honest most days I couldn’t even face anything without smoking a lot of pot first, a pipe, it was like an old friend.
Suffice to say I don’t condone any of it, neither do I deny it, without it I wouldn’t be here now typing this out. I’ve come close to dying and skirted around the edge of that big black hole. You needn’t feel alone though and like no one understands because more people than you could ever imagine have. The good thing is, its get better. You learn to turn it into some amazing things.